sigh...i dont.

2007-08-05T00:31:00.000+08:00

do i matter?

yes maybe,
but how much...?

sigh.

2007-07-07T17:47:00.000+08:00

abandon blog

yeah no more beaniegal.
im moving to... oh wait, nobody's interested.

是时间收拾心情了。
我不能这样下去，不然实在太潦倒了。

i know i can only rely on myself; i chose to be like this, so i think i cannot let my emotions get the better of me.

try not to anyway. haha.

take care pple. (i may come back. er haha. so indecisive.)

2007-07-06T18:12:00.000+08:00

im currently trying to practise holding up my hair bun with a pen (i wonder how my classmate does it), playing lame games on msn, and download GE. haha im always happier when the weekends come.

2007-06-30T16:48:00.000+08:00

my computer is so beyond hope. when i switch it on it starts beeping/blacks out/goes to windows then hang (even the mouse cursor doesnt move). im too lazy to even call the technician coz he just came 5 days ago.

there's some dessert show on tv. the desserts in taiwan look so yummy

2007-06-29T23:32:00.000+08:00

this morning i was feeling very moody and sulking at home. until liuwen smsed me to go out to accompany her to repair her computer!

anyway the service centre was at such a niao-bu-sheng-dan place (some ulu place in bukit merah) we took so long to reach there. i think they are quite inefficient actually, there are only three counters and they actually combine the collection and service counters, which just means more inefficiency la. we reached the place at abt 3.30 and left at abt 5.30; nearly died of boredom waiting.

then during which the computer is under repair, lw and i went downstairs to while away the time, and then we had to go back up coz some kind lady told us the directions to the nearest niao-not-so-bu-sheng-dan place WAS ONE KILOMETRE AWAY (she knew coz she was actually kind enough to take out a map and measure the distance!). it was so not worth the effort esp when that place has only ntuc and the library -.-

the service centre had some surfer's corner (er made up of two laptops). we wanted to watch a movie after that so checked out the timings, but turned out the movies available are either not interesting or we have watched them b4.

so waited and waited and stoned and chatted and laughed until the staff closed all the lights (coz they are supposed to go off at 5pm). finally collected her laptop. the basic service fee was actually more than the actual repair fee.

went to eat dinner with her and then i went alone to buy things at tm.

closing down sales at metro was just...crazy btw. everyone's trying out shoes in all the walkable passages and tossing them about. and it's so funny, they actually have gigantic metro yellow shopping bags for you to put a lot of things inside , so that it's easier than holding them. haha

enough of my day ba.

i wonder how my tmr will be like... sometimes loneliness can be so overwhelming it makes me feel all awful.

觉得我的生活很空虚, 没意思，真是没了也罢。哎，为什么会这样.

2007-06-27T19:15:00.000+08:00

chem exam was such a big joke btw. hahah

wow my blog has 600 posts already. happy 600th-post birthday!

the cake so cute leh. haha.

okay instead of studying maths im here drawing some lame stuff.

i am just thinking about tmr when the exams have ended... everyone will be so happy and stuff. and then i realise i have no after-school plans coz i have nobody to celebrate the end of the exams with. :( everyone will be going out to celebrate then i will be going home and feeling like a loser.

not much to look forward to.
sigh at least there's a short holiday after that. nowadays i dont even feel like going to school because i dont fit in anywhere.

2007-06-26T18:20:00.001+08:00

i want to scream.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

2007-06-24T00:18:00.000+08:00

so tired coz i woke up at 8.30am today. dunno how im going to wake up at 6am when school reopens.

my revision for physics exam today consists of looking for the notes, period. haha oh no.

2007-06-20T22:17:00.000+08:00

was doing maths. aiya stuck again didnt get the answers :(

haha im pretending that my maths exam is tmr, so that i will work harder today. somehow worked coz i studied on average 30min for every hour in the afternoon.

okay that's pretty amazing for me. im easily distracted hahaa

2007-06-16T01:05:00.001+08:00

apparently im supposed to read the econs notes in order. hope thats the reason why i didnt understand it.

im sad. that feeling just comes, kind of unstoppable. haha im feeling sad because of rather selfish reasons.

is it selfish to wish for more love, care and concern from the pple around me?
i can be incredibly selfish.

i feel lonely. will tell you why if i manage to express it properly one day. the exact words appeared in my mind for one whole min, and they felt so right and totally reflects my thoughts

but by the time i get here they disappeared. haha

actually i have always wondered
is there anyone who truly want my company?
do they want me along because they asked my friends, and it would be impolite to not ask me?
haha then again, im afraid of knowing the answer.

there are times when i wonder if unconditional love can really exist in the world; im starting to get skceptical. not talking about the love between that of a parent and child (im quite sure that can be unconditional), but between a guy and a girl. even when i watch dramas and books i watch about pple changing their minds about their love. feelings change, relationships can turn sour, nothing is forever...

and that's so disappointing, isnt it :(

wasted >20 min typing and editing this entry, in the end i gain nothing (sadness didnt go away) except feeling emptier than ever. because no faith in my life, no faith in love, and also im feeling hungry. haha

i suspect im a little depressed, but then the next moment im amused by myself again. haha it's kind of weird.

2007-06-05T23:09:00.000+08:00

today i went out with eunice, felicia, and felicia's mum. haha it was a last min thing because feli and company only asked me in the evening. i was SO desperate to go out i felt so excited.

haha first time leh, must record down.

then went to ps to walk around. nothing much la, they bought things and went crazy over some stuff. i started wondering if im abnormal coz im not crazy about anything. ok, maybe for fruits basket a long time ago, but currently nothing that im crazy about.

the highlight of the day was that we went gelare to eat waffles, and i simply love the tiramisu ice cream! yummy yummy :P

haha and i cant believe myself; im watching this show with spastic actors and looks silly and im still watching it and think it's nice. it's called wei xiao pasta LOL.

bye all

2007-06-04T11:06:00.000+08:00

last tues i went out on a movie with a guy...

my brother lol.
watched spiderman3 for the second time, like haha. coz i agreed a long time ago, and kind sisters keep their promises. my bro is such a greedy pig, and with his greedy sis we finished all the snacks we bought. hahaha.

then last thurs i went with qianwei to support qien in her dance concert. we bought a nice sunflower for her; aha sunflowers are so cute. both qianwei and i were complaining non-stop about going to nus ucc because when you live in pasir ris, nus is like miles and miles away.

haha then when we got to clementi we spent so long figuring out the bus to take to nus that we ended up taking the same bus as qien's family. (which was half an hour ltr)

the world is like super small, i saw about 8 of my 4f ex-classmates. like :S. i dont dislike them, really, but i just dont want them to see me. haha.

the dance concert was like, wow really really good. though i dont really like the dance alumni items actually, but the tango one was superb. about 10 dances, all so captivating. $15 bucks quite worth it (though it would still be much preferred if the place is at some less ulu place hahah)

then can you believe it, the rest of my holidays were spent at home. nope i didnt study, like AHHH. i gave up on econs after reading like 10 pgs of theory of income or whatever it is called, and then got too bored that i refuse to continue. it's such a PAIN to go through. my mum comments EVERYDAY that sooner or later i will get too fat to get out of the door. and that we are so lucky we can lie on the bed the whole day and not move. and she also tries to persuade me to go to the supermarket with her, which is a failed attempt of course. hahahah

2007-06-03T14:56:00.000+08:00

new skin. no more hearts, no more valentine...

this designer's skins are super cool in my opinion.

nothing in my past 2 weeks is worth mentioning, so i shall spare you the agony of reading about boring depressing stuff.

haha did i mention i totally hate feeling like a loser? but i am a loser and i dunno how to not be one.

i went to blogskins.com and saw a lot of really nice skins...but i thought, hey i cant use them because they are so not me.

come to think of it, it's so... stupid! im setting a mold for myself, but the problem is, i hate this mold that i have made. i know if im given a choice to relive my life... i wouldnt want to live like this.

2007-05-10T19:17:00.000+08:00

im so sick of going to school. im tired of being ignored and ignoring others which further leads to me being ignored more. im tired of seeing my class pple. i dont dislike them, but im just tired of them existing and and constantly talking and making so much noise.

maybe it's just because im not part of the noise and im feeling left out so im saying this. i dunno, i feel like an outcast no matter what school or cca im in.

and sometimes i pretend that it's my choice. in such denial.

sorry for being ap and anti-social. im just not in the mood to entertain anyone. i feel very unhappy, i feel pathetic about everything that went wrong and is going wrong with my life. i dont tink anyone really understands, they probably think im just complaining about something lame again. it doesnt matter, i dont really understand whats up with me either.

2007-05-08T18:53:00.000+08:00

thank gdness i didnt sprain my ankle today or something, i nearly did.

being sporty's not my thing apparently.

they taught us how to fall down in the right way. i fell down like 20 times, but sadly not on purpose and i fell on my butt like 10 of the 20 times. er.... haha i am supposed to fall forwards, not backwards, in case you are wondering.

rollerblading CAN be fun, if you know how to do it. i dont even fall down half as many times when im cycling la.

tell you more another day.

hahaha still so amused by myself.

2007-05-07T17:07:00.000+08:00

today is such a hot day! nearly died from the sun and heat when walking home from the bus stop. i shld have been less lazy and changed buses halfway so that there's no sun. haha.

failed my broadjump. haha didnt really expect to pass anyway.

nope i mean, i never expect to pass. but this time im SO NEAR to passing, it's only 3cm!!! it must have been the furthest i have jumped in my entire life.

yeah you got me right. the furthest i have jumped is 162cm. like, haha.

anyway i was saying i didnt expect to pass, but still it doesnt mean you wont feel sad to fail. i just hope they wont bug me to retest. there's no way im going to rerun 2.4, because there's no pt redoing everything AND failing.

after school we went to eat at hans for lunch. haha so greedy. but no worries coz i skipped dinner! so the fat taken in will hopefully...er...even out. hahaa. i like their milk tea a lot btw. or at least i like milk teas in general.

there's feeling fab tmr. oh my, waibin's getting sporty coz she's going for rollerblading. ahaha i tink i will fall down more than i blade. just hope i dont get muscle aches from all the broadjumping or else i probably wont be able to bend my knees properly tmr and that will mean falling down in a more painful manner. no no no.

2007-05-03T16:08:00.000+08:00

sometimes when im in school it will suddenly occur to me that i dont fit in anywhere.

at those times i feel so lonely and out of place, i wish i can just turn and run away.

haha.

2007-05-02T19:53:00.000+08:00

had library invest today.

the most important thing is...

yay im finally NOT IT head anymore! the job just gets so tiring at times i wished i wasnt IT head, but still i had fun being in library exco. the pple in library are really nice. i really dont dislike the cca, (apart from shelving; that's just irritating) but then still, happy to be out of it!

my successor zeng yan, is really good in IT stuff i can tell. probably better than i was (actually im not that pro, i just act pro hahaha). pray hard she doesnt meet any problems reading my messy codes, or else i have to do more work!

hahaha im super lazy la.

zeng yan and me. ahh im such a dwarf. a spastic looking one too.

so at the end at it i received a cert saying i offered EXCELLENT services to the council(eh...heh) and the new library badge which has golden rims and looked like those old fashioned bottle caps, and some cute ornament thing from zengyan. took photos, laughed, and had quite a fun time.

happy memories.

2007-04-28T00:08:00.000+08:00

dramanite was really nice, i enjoyed it very much. other than feeling invisible the whole night, that is.
gd thing was that the rain stopped when i finally got out of my house, i wasnt late, and i didnt starve to death.

hurray.

2007-04-27T17:54:00.000+08:00

shit it's raining and i still gotta go out for dramanite!

usually i like the rain, but not when im in a bad mood and every where's wet (probably flooding) and i still got to go back to vj. and vj is like 50 min away from home, and im sick of that place after one whole week of seeing it.

and im going to have no dinner coz my family didnt expect me back for dinner and they went out for their own meal. and i so totally hate eating alone.

and im going to be late and my hair is like dripping wet. not to mention i washed my hair twice today due to some stupid reasons. washing long hair is just so irritating coz it tangles so horribly right after washing it.

i just like to complain. ok?

2007-04-19T20:27:00.000+08:00

had to walked down the hall today in front of the whole school during assembly today. haha i wondered if anyone cared about the designers. but nevertheless, my design's getting printed on shirts!

the principal gave us a half day after TWO ROUNDS of cheering. he's not exactly trying very hard to gain popularity.

we happily went off at 11am (quite late for a half day, dont u think) then felicia and i went ikea with joanne and yilin. had a really funny time at lunch coz they were really good company.

im getting bored. let's not bore us furthur. haha.

2007-04-18T21:06:00.000+08:00

biz club ended unbelievably early today!

after that felicia, eunice and i went bedok. i ended up eating a lot of junk food, and went home with 5 winnie-the-pooh wrappers (which are ultra nice! and only 10cents each. such a good buy, and they look so sweet and nice) , and a lot of library books.

i like winnie-the-pooh and friends! it's sort of a childhood thing...

and good that i have something to read.
it takes my mind off some unhappy things which i rather not think about. at least for a short while i guess.

2007-04-07T22:09:00.000+08:00

is it me,

or is it pointless to complain about a tissue box not looking the way you want it?

http://xiaxue.blogspot.com/

and btw
i got out of my moodiness,
only to get back into it again.

2007-03-31T22:04:00.000+08:00

it's only 10 pm now but im going to sleep. because when i am sleeping i dont have to think about anything.

im feeling so miserable the whole day i really dunno what's up with me. it's not only today, it's like every other day. i found it so hard to laugh or feel a tinny bit happy at all. i think i kept to myself for too long and now all the pent up emotions are depressing me from inside.

like oh great. i cant even explain clearly how im feeling because my English happens to suck as well.

i dont feel that anyone understands me enough. my friends probably think that im complaining as usual, because that's all i do. not that it's their fault, i chose to close myself up now. my mum...she doesnt even know what im doing in my whole life, let alone talk through things with me. and the last thing i want happening is to have even my msn friend(s) (not sure if it's plural. doubt so.) drifting furthur away and away, until it's so awkward that i dont want to go online to know no one is talking to me at all.

i dunno, i just feel so screwed up in everything.

im going to hide from everyone until im feeling less screwed. not that anyone would miss my absence actually.

2007-03-26T20:00:00.000+08:00

feeling very moody.

oh well i could spend money today coz we went swensens for dinner. it wasnt very nice. i mean, you would expect Swensens at airport to be much much better than this.

and great, i screwed up my spa-s today. chem wasnt too gd, physics was just...shitty.

oh. CT results so far are CEEE.

depressing. why isnt there somebody, anybody to comfort me when im feeling like shit.

2007-03-24T12:40:00.000+08:00

random random random

i suddenly feel like spending money.
haha

2007-03-22T19:44:00.000+08:00

I think i am becoming a social outcast. i can feel myself closing up to others. i dont feel like talking much to pple. coz i find it so hard to say something that's constructive.

gradually my words wont matter anymore. perhaps pple will stop noticing my presence altogether. from a quiet person i will become invisible.

it's my own problem. i know i should do something abt it, like now. but sometimes li bu cong xin, im finding it so hard to change.

sometimes i feel like going back time to become a girl again, because when im finally growing up im so much more aware of my own flaws.

2007-03-14T21:13:00.000+08:00

and so, i boiled some water when i came back from camp and now we have some water to drink.

i realise there are always plenty of reasons to feel :(. part of being pessimistic i guess.

edit (9.41pm): oh well, im drinking milk coz the water ran out again.

i nearly choked on milk while reading sm's blog entry. it's really amusing because it's so sarcastic! hahaha

2007-03-12T21:26:00.000+08:00

cham. no water in the house so i gotta drink milk.

i appreciate my mum's work very much now. coz i cant wash clothes right, iron clothes well, and even hanging up clothes to dry gives me a neckache. like HAHA goodness.

2007-03-09T19:28:00.000+08:00

exams are over!

was feeling very happy when i walked out with tran. after we said goodbye at the overhead bridge i felt quite loserish and i started wondering what's there to be happy about actually.

i dont know what i want in life anymore. it's weird, but i dont seem to feel happy about anything? perhaps it's just the effects of being lonely at times.

shall stuff myself with ruffles, may work.

2007-03-08T21:52:00.000+08:00

the nap turned out to be 3.5 hours long gosh.

i really didnt want to sleep that long, but i was just so exhausted and between sleeping and studying (physics for that matter) sleeping was just much more appealing. ho.

but now it looks like i have just lowered my chances of passing. sad thing is they arent high in the first place hahah

2007-03-08T12:41:00.000+08:00

gp was bad, econs was bad, maths was bad, chem was VERY BAD (and to think i studied quite hard for it), but of course, i shall not mind them for now, because they are a thing of the past!

one more physics paper to go. shall go take a short nap first hahaha

i look forward to embracing my piggish living habits once again after 6pm tmr.

2007-03-04T14:07:00.000+08:00

i was reading my chem notes and found this highly amusing.

haha.

2007-03-03T21:19:00.000+08:00

argh i wish someone will look for my notes for me and lay them out in front of me, in neat piles perferably.

and it wouldnt hurt too if that someone provides an assortment of snacks and brings in tea whenever i feel like drinking it. hahaha.

revision so far has been very slow and horrible. i must emphasize on the word SLOW because for the whole day i only read one physics chapter and it didnt help me in doing tys qns. (and im only talking about mcqs here) i still blank out when looking at them :(

i find myself rendered helpelss in physics qns! (<--did i use that word right) not to mention all the frustration it causes.

im facing a really big crisis coz i cant find my notes; maths notes, physics notes, chem notes... the only subject that has its complete notes is Econs.

but help, they are mostly empty!!!

common tests are depressing.

2007-02-26T18:57:00.000+08:00

had PE mock napfa today. I failed my standing broadjump and my 2.4km run.

.
.
.

YEAH I FAILED MY 2.4KM RUN!!!!
wah i cant believe it.

ok actually i can because during the run i really believed i couldnt make it, and yeah indeed i didnt make it! must believe in myself next time :'(

but i actually failed la. 16.30min and i didnt even finish 2.4km GOODNESS. that's really slow!!

after PE I was feeling really sick and shijie too; she could hardly walk.

my face was really red, i dunno why, it's always like that after I run 2.4. it was very funny because i was in the toilet and shijie came in and then she was really really pale and i was really really red. big contrast.

but at least she passed, i didnt. gah.

Mr yong gave those who failed three options. either u go for rerun next week (which is kinda impossible with cts and stuff), or you can train yourself (er he suggested starting with 6 rounds, then 8, then 10 o.0), or you can go for third period pe. im so sad because it looked like im fated to go third period because next term it's going to be Mr Goh and he wont be that happy (that's an understatement) if u pon.

stupid la. failed my napfa and now im feeling so tired and my legs are aching (coz i jumped a dumb 5 or 6 times for sbj one after another). i shld just have just followed liuwen's example and disappeared for PE today. no diff lo.

2007-02-18T22:46:00.000+08:00

i received two hongbaos today - one from my dad and one from my mum.

we went out for dinner at 6. haha food was ok; just normal standard but very overpriced.

my new year is boring leh. ha.

2007-02-18T01:00:00.000+08:00

was feeling super high just now but now i can feel that sense of excitement ebbing away fast. wasn't even sure what im so high about since new year is just about the same every year.

u cant blame me la, everyone's asleep in the house. either that or hiding in their rooms, though im sure my bro is asleep coz he's snoring away.

yeah! at 1am!

but of coz that is to be expected la. since when was the last time my family has been excited about anything AT ALL?

kind of wish there's somebody to feel high with at the moment, though that's quite impossible. maybe i should turn in soon too.

wonder if there's actually anything to look forward to in the next 2 days. enthusiasm = zero.

2007-02-14T22:26:00.000+08:00

Happy Valentine's Day to all!

and thanks to everyone who gave me sweets, chocolates, flowers, cookies, presents, letters, and lotsa love. you know who you are. haha whee! today was really fun.

2007-02-11T17:33:00.000+08:00

VOILA suddenly everything's...

PINK!

take a good look at this layout while it lasts.

...

...

nice right? say yes. HA

the ants in my room are hyperactive. i left some vitagen bottle on my table for about...at most 15min and there are about 20 ants on it already.

whoa even ants communicate better and faster nowadays.

2007-02-06T17:12:00.000+08:00

Feeling Fab today was quite fun. I joined yoga! the balance moves are the hardest. the instructor told us to concentrate, but it's really too distracting to keep my balance coz pple around keep toppling abt and they look...comical. haha in fact all of us look rather dumb i think.

there was this part when they played music with some woman singing in the background and some man talking, and then we were just lying there and relaxing. haha the man was telling us to imagine there was some green ball of light going through your heels to the rest of the body, turning all your organs green as it went along. apparently at the last stage after colouring your whole body it goes out of your lungs as green gas hahaha

ok am i the only one who found that amusing??

some pple fell asleep; i think i heard they either snoring or breathing really loudly, er the latter rather unlikely haha.

had a difficult time trying to stay awake for the rest of the day. i wonder if it's the aftereffects of the yoga session or that school just makes me yawn.

aiya im quite bored, and im totally losing my sense of humour!

2007-02-03T19:46:00.000+08:00

oh my hana yori dango 2 is very very nice! i like hanazawa rui! and poor doumyouji (whatever you spell it)

haha i just love hana yori dango!

2007-01-28T22:13:00.000+08:00

just came back. i ate a whole lot of things today, it would be scary to name them all.

ikea food is quite cheap! felicia and i ate quite a lot (namely swedish meatballs, potato salad, chicken wing, and half a chocolate mousee) and it only cost ten bucks. $9.20 only to be exact. cheap cheap!

at that moment i was feeling really sleepy.

we walked around and saw this green snake soft toy which cost $1.90! cheap cheap. felicia took one and hugged it while we walk around. while walking around we see increasingly more and more green snakes, like u turn every corner u will see some crate full of them

then we went evadne's house to watch sytycd. it's my first time watching and it's the last episode but it was really nice and entertaining. the way they dance is cool! they were twirling in circles round and round and round AND round it's quite fascinating to see how flexible pple can be. haha

we were one hour late for jts, just in time to get seated! very good timing. haha so i was wrong in saying that we can only start eating at 7. we divided into 4 groups and my table had the least pple. apparently our junior class takes over the tradition of being cliquey as well.

although for the whole night i only talked to three juniors, i find them quite nice and friendly. they reminded me a bit of my first three months in vj.

interesting conversation:
senior1: so is your class very united?
junior1: no la of course not!

junior1: then your class leh?
senior2: erm... no la of course not!

i also finally found out how my mortal looks like, but too bad he wont ever know who i am.

kind of missed the whole point of bonding between the classes and stuff but who cares. ahaha. i think the others probably enjoyed it more than i did, but since there is a free meal and good company it was much better than last year. (actually any meal would be better than jts last year, because all i did was sit there and feel invisible)

aiya why got sch tmr!

2007-01-28T10:29:00.000+08:00

sunday morning, no sun, and the bean's in a good mood.

ooh there's jts ltr for dinner!

and im still meeting felicia for lunch at ikea. too piggish for words hahaha.

apparently there are 45 pple going in total, and we are planning to go to some swensens branch in orchard.

yeah, FORTY FIVE pple, no reservations, not to mention it's sunday and everything. it will be lucky if we get to eat before 7pm.

tell u more when i get back, i should just start blogging about my LIFE. haha

2007-01-25T22:08:00.000+08:00

interesting fact of the day:

I only found out how to switch my phone to silent mode after one year of using it.

LOL.

2007-01-25T14:08:00.000+08:00

so bored + so cold + so sad = BAD DAY.

2007-01-19T19:49:00.000+08:00

in my sudden moods again, yea.

my life is so boring there's nothing to blog abt.

everyday i just go to school and waste my time and in the meantime, perhaps piss somebody off and get ignored and ignore others and think about things and feel a bit amused at times and feeling depressed the other times.

and it seems as though everything i say just pisses u off.

i find no better word to describe my entire life than boring. i hate my life and myself so much sometimes i wish im not this person living in this life im in.

apparently this is one of those times.

2007-01-15T16:02:00.000+08:00

monday just has the nicest day timetable of the week!

PE today was alright. Hurray I didnt shrink for my height, still 148.5cm. very good news indeed. funny how minor things like this can make me pleased with myself.

tennis was just amusing because i miss the ball like 9/10 of the time. had fun playing with liuwen dodging random flying balls from elsewhere and hitting stuff off-course. picking up balls wasn't fun though.

something really stupid happened after school but since it was so stupid i shall not talk abt it.

haha ok i mentioned it just for shuang.

2007-01-14T22:58:00.000+08:00

two words to sum up this week: it sucks.

argh i hate the way things are turning out.

2007-01-07T22:41:00.000+08:00

was looking for my GC which I havent seen since...exams? or maybe since we repainted the house? whatever it is, i looked through my whole home and cannot find it. my mum helped me, which was very nice of her, only to hear me practically shouting again.

ahh i feel so bad now. $172 currently missing and i broke(kind of) one of my new year resolutions.

shall go on an intense search tmr when i come home.

~Oh bring back my ~~bonnie~~ GC to me~

2007-01-07T01:53:00.000+08:00

first week of school is just... pointless.

but im still very determined to do my tutorials this weekend!

had an ok time during CCA walkabout. very amusing to see pple's reaction when they hear the word "Library"; you should look at their faces.

typical conversation:
friend 1: "oi library leh. you go join la hahaha"
friend 2: "haha dont want la! *laughs mockingly*"

but who cares la. as long as we manage to ~~trick~~ welcome some new librarians into the CCA that should be good enough.

let's pray hard there's a half day on monday, though i highly doubt so. our new principal wants us to Achieve, Contribute, Demostrate, Excel, and lead a Fulfilling JC life. and that probably implied there's no half day. haha i missed out wat letter B stood for, but hey this shows i listen to 5/6 of his speech, exceeding expectations already because i dont even listen so intently in lectures.

Liang Jing Ru's Flyaway is on radio now. haha wat fond memories.

2006-12-31T00:20:00.000+08:00

my last entry of the year 2007 is going to be LONG-WINDED and probably BORING to you. dont say i didn't warn you ah hahaha.

the year is finally coming to an end. all i can say is that this year is probably the most happening year in my entire life. so many so many things happened that it's kind of impossible to name them all. i think coming to jc has really changed my life no matter i like it or not.

i have met and known pple who are now very important and precious to me, pple who have cheered me up and stood by my nonsense and bad tempers. i cant really say how appreciative i am of these friends who tries to make up with me after quarrels when it's like my fault. i think i haven't been one of the best pple in the year; i haven't been very sincere to my friends and family, i have flared up countless times, i have lied about things, but still they are willing to be there for me...

for next year im going to work harder for my own self and to save myself from being so duo4 luo4. if im not going to change my attitude im just going to die a horrible death for A levels and then feel stupid all over again. i think i should really reflect upon my ways and how i treat others too. oh yeah i should just stop being so indecisive, that's one of my biggest problems. sigh a lot of things to change.

the above are my new year resolutions. haha who know, perhaps one week into the new year u will see me complaining again. but i really wish to become a better person.

new year entry aside.
haha this few days have been really emotional for me but i guess i suffered the consequences of my own actions. for a moment i was really afraid i will lose that friend forever and it struck me hard that i really haven't been a nice person. it also made me realise i should really face my own problems instead of running away from them. thank goodness the worst is over (aha, i think?), i will learn to treasure you more.

it also makes me wonder if things would have worked out if i had talked it over with her? sigh.

haha excuse me for talking in code.
bye and happy new year!

2006-12-27T01:35:00.000+08:00

oh no it's so late already. I still gotta wake up at 7.30am tmr! I dunno how I am going to wake up so early when I wake up at 12pm on a normal day.

don't ask me why and where am i going on a nice morning. i will feel angry again.

haha.

I just ended my phone call with Felicia like a few min ago. I think talking to somebody whom you are totally at ease with is so enjoyable. just discussing random stuff and finding out more about that person's feelings and opinions abt things, and then laughing it off... I now declare her my best phone mate! (haha but competition isn't stiff to start with anyway)

my past 5 days are not worth mentioning about. in fact sometimes I can't really tell one day from another, because they all feel the same to me. but sadly I cannot duo4 luo4 at home tmr, which is just so sad.

and i think my favourite word for the moment is Gosh. haha. it all started with playing too much of Audition la. kept gosh-ing whenever I miss (and that's a lot of times) and so now im over-using it.

arhhhhhhhhhh it's going to be two soon. my precious sleep!

2006-12-22T22:30:00.000+08:00

shit i feel so pissed off.

chill, relax...

im finding it really hard.

this stupid thing is leading to so many complications I feel like I am going to just suffocate and die.

damn stupid of me to even have thought that the situation has turned for the better.

2006-12-16T20:48:00.000+08:00

new blogskin from blogskins!

it was originally totally grey, but i added some purple to it and some flowery thing to the bottom of each post. nicer now (i think?)

it also looks like i got over my depressed mood already.

haha. that was fast.

2006-12-16T19:40:00.000+08:00

argh. I feel like this big loser again.

It's rather mad, to feel alright at one moment, and then to feel so down the next.

but nvm, i don't think it matters very much to anyone, I will just get over it in a mo.

2006-12-14T16:56:00.000+08:00

ahh I am so bored! *screams*

The new kindaichi series isn't very nice in my opinion. how disappointing.

I need some vcds!

2006-12-11T20:01:00.000+08:00

hi im back from Camp Idealpolis. Not bad la, we came in third!

Went to watch Dejavu today with Felicia and Evadne. ooh I like Cathay Cineplex very much; cheaper ticket, comfy seats, very nice popcorn. And only spent ten bucks on movies today, which is like record-breakingly low. The movie was nice, nicer than Battle of Wits at least. haha. It's probably the movie which is most worth-watching at the moment.

We saw the Curse of the Golden Flower trailer today, and Jay is very amusing to me in that armour. I mean, he looks fine, but you just can't stop laughing at him.

I am currently watching Deathnote anime now, on episode 9. So far it is quite alike to the first movie, but I think the anime is nicer! Er L looks really weird on anime.

"Weirder than the L in the movie?"

Ya seriously.

But it's exciting to watch, and it's really smart. I like watching things like these, may make me smarter in the long run haha

Tmr is going to be a boring day coz I don't think I can use the computer. Luckily I bought Kindaichi to entertain myself. Ah, but I am very very broke. As always.

2006-12-02T20:24:00.000+08:00

weirdly i keep getting headaches nowadays. maybe i spend too much time staring at the com?

today i went out to meet qien weiting and chiyu! haha had a nice time chit chating and laughing. It is so good that we actually get to meet up again after SO LONG, and still can talk so much. we took neoprints too. hahaha im seriously a big noob at taking neoprints goodness. looked spastic as usual la.

I am very very glad I knew such good friends through cs dance :D

tmr is finally a stay-at-home day. hurray! haha

2006-11-30T19:17:00.000+08:00

very very very tired. :(

whole day was spent moving books, books, and more books! oh, and book ends too. passing them around, carrying them around, throwing them around, it's horrible, back breaking work.

however, if we are lucky we may be able to finish everything before lunch tmr!

on a happier sidenote,

Happy Birthday Evadne!

hmm that colour combi looks weird, but nvm, i still spent a little of my time colour-coding it. hope u have a happy happy day today! :)

i am going to be busy from this week to next friday, since there are people to go out with and camp and stuff. sigh. SO BROKE and i realise i owe a lot of pple presents!!! argh.

2006-11-28T19:32:00.000+08:00

This entry is just for the sake of telling you how ming ku Librarians (and their friends too) are.

have been doing mass shelving for the past two days, and oh my it's SO TIRING.

we had to look through many shelves ytd and some today, and arrange the books by alphabetical order and their call number. It is tedious work, and I hate tedious work! Then today have to shift like entire rows of books up to make way for more books, so my fingers' feeling very tired passing books around, my arms are aching due to pushing and carrying books around, and my legs are aching because i had to stand up practically the whole day. and to think there is 3.5 days more to go! ahhhh. and it looks like lunch for the next few days aren't going to be good. No nice food and more more more work! AHHH.

ok right, enough complaining. My aim is achieved.

haha.

2006-11-24T19:23:00.000+08:00

haha i think no one else is going to guess which statements are false because i have too little friends. the three pple who guessed got 3, 2, 1 answers right respectively. the reason is probably because my statements are like too hard la, they can happen to anyone.

Answers to the 20 statements

Those which are false:

3) Last time when I was in Chinese Dance, I can do both left-leg splits and right-leg splits.

Uh sadly I couldn't do a left leg split! and at sec 4, i could hardly do a right leg split. very pathetic i know. ping2 zhuan4 was my worst, i couldn't even turn more than 3 rounds without being giddy. and that 3 rounds were turned very slowly somemore. gdness it's so laughable

7) I dislike going kbox, it's boring. I er...only go because my friends are going.

aha no la, i really like it. It's fun, even for those who can't sing (uh namely me. I cannot reach high notes!)

10) I like Mac's maple syrup so much that I drink it whole from the carton.

I like it a lot, but I do not drink from the thing itself. but it's the reason i like hot cakes

16) I was so greedy once, I finished a big pack of ruffles by myself in one go.

That will make me sick i think. but even though i haven't done that, i still did many piggish things.

20) I have created more than 50 blog layouts and posted them all on blogskins.

no la. only about 20 i think. I gave up after i realise i am not very good in them hahaha

and there's one more false statement; i made a mistake.

9) The first time I had swept the floor was for the library this year.

It occured to me that i did that for duty roster in primary school. i didn't sweep the floor in secondary sch because VERY WEIRDLY, they always assign me the blackboard to clean. hahaa what a big joke.

yea and the rest are all true.

met in library for shelving, and thank goodness it was a quite ok session. Felicia Bryan and I then took out all the sofa covers. Had a very funny time! Felicia and Bryan were quite happy coz she found a thumbdrive and he found er...55 cents i think haha. I laughed quite a lot today, which is uh...rather rare. :D

I think my next 7 days are going to be quite sian, because of 6 days of mass shelving and stuff. ah.

2006-11-24T12:53:00.000+08:00

I was reading my past entries (like last year) and was laughing from them. I dunno how come I could type such funny entries but not anymore.

Being amused by myself, hahaha how stupid can I get.

2006-11-21T21:26:00.000+08:00

Today there was this surveyer who asked me to help him do some survey, and he asked if I am working or studying. I said studying and then he asked if I am in Poly or JC.

hahaha finally there is somebody who didn't mistaken me for a primary school kid!

a few days ago I was on bus 39, then the bus driver suddenly stopped the bus, went up to me and requested me to show my bus pass. He looked at it for more than 5 seconds, then asked "Are you really a student?"

I said, YES.

He didn't look very convinced though.

It makes me wonder if he thought I am an adult, or what, a maid?

Have been walking about very much these few days, maybe I can lose some weight (yeah, 500g?)

haha byee.

2006-11-21T01:27:00.000+08:00

the holidays are passing by SO FAST. It's amazing how fast it is passing by when I am doing nothing.

I finished watching My Lovely Sam Soon, and I think it is a really really good show. It is funny, and it isn't draggy. I was entertained throughout the whole show and not once did I feel like sleeping (that's quite rare, really). I like the storyline, and their acting skills are good. though I think Hee Jin overacted a bit la. I like the script; it is very natural and seems more real to me, and not too dramatic.

So now my favourite Korean Drama is now My Lovely Sam Soon! Off you go, Goong. haha.

This entry shall not be random, because I am going to discuss about tv shows!

I dunno why, but everytime I watch Channel 8 shows, no matter whether it is the short clip or the actual show itself, pple are forever in some quarrel or fight. Either that or they will be in some kidnap case, murder case, accident, or screaming, and pulling each other's hair etc. It appears that the roles in the shows never lead normal lives lo. Unless their typical everyday life includes meeting your yuan1 jia1s or stepping onto banana skins or falling into drains all the time maybe.

haha I find that show, Huan Le Man Wu really ironical. Out of the few minutes which I watched the show (at random times) I never saw any signs of pple being happy at all.

I think watching those shows will only make me more tired. haha

2006-11-16T21:58:00.000+08:00

One. Think of 15 short bits of interesting stuff about yourself. And they've gotta be true.

Two. Come up with 5 false statements regarding yourself, but for fun's sake keep them in the threshold of believability.

Three. Jumble them all up together and list them in any order.

Four. Post them on your blog and let people guess which the five false ones are!

Five. Get 5 others to do the same.

1) I used to bite my fingernails so deeply until they bleed. ahha

2) Hana Yori Dango (Meteor Garden) is still my favourite anime because I think it's very romantic.

3) Last time when I was in Chinese Dance, I can do both left-leg splits and right-leg splits.

4) I have once spent more than an hour standing in Times Bookshop reading their horoscope books.

5) I am currently 47. something kg now. (gasp!)

6) I still play neopets actually, and am Head of Gryffindor in a 8000++ pple Harry Potter Guild.

7) I dislike going kbox, it's boring. I er...only go because my friends are going.

8) I feel quite stressed when alone with only one person, I am worried that he/she will be very bored by me.

9) The first time I had swept the floor was for the library this year.

10) I like Mac's maple syrup so much that I drink it whole from the carton.

11) I sleep with the air con on everyday, even when it rains.

12) In secondary school, I only clear my worksheets twice a year.

13) I love to eat tofu very very much. er even dou hua. haha

14) The show I cried most for up till now is Fruits Basket.

15) There was once I plucked so many hairs out of my head until there was a bald patch on my scalp.

16) I was so greedy once, I finished a big pack of ruffles by myself in one go.

17) I haven't drunk any alcohol in my life.

18) I was scolded once for drawing on my door with pencil when I was small coz I was pretending to teach my toys maths.

19) I accidentally entered the male toilet once back in DHS.

20) I have created more than 50 blog layouts and posted them all on blogskins.

my, that took a very long time. I am too boring already, couldn't think of any interesting facts.

and oh no I think I am slipping back into one of my depressed moods again.

Shall reveal the untruths some time some day, if anyone is interested to find out that is.

2006-11-09T21:38:00.000+08:00

i love felicia very much! haha

2006-11-07T23:27:00.000+08:00

pw's officially over.

but im feeling more stressed out than ever.

sigh.

2006-11-01T21:20:00.000+08:00

Going Crazy

I am going crazy soon! :S

2006-11-01T00:41:00.000+08:00

AHHH I am so so so sad about my asiasoft account.

2006-10-28T20:38:00.000+08:00

I am listening to Jay's old albums and I think they are really nice. What surprises me is that I can actually remember all the lyrics! Memory too good liao hahha

I dislike the him now. To me it is so not Jay, it just sounds WEIRD. And his songs, haha all abt the same now. In the process of earning more money, he has lost his style. (to me la)

what a fine example of someone changing over the years.

2006-10-27T22:33:00.000+08:00

went back to vj to take my result slip. congrats to me I used to look like 14, at least that was sec sch. now currently I look like a primary school kid!

then after that I travelled to Felicia's Aunt's house. very far away. the bus was moving and stopping so much for the whole journey that I felt very sick.

borrowed full metal alchemist manga from Junying, Felicia's friend! so now I am quite happy with my reward for the day :D

when I was there, Felicia's aunt said that they are a happy family. I looked at them and then I can't help feeling how true it is. haha.

I think I have a happy family too. Apart from having a weird mum who is REALLY funny in her own way, a brother who is nice to us and probably not to anyone else, a father whom I dont really talk to (sigh), and some problems which come with them, I have a sister who is just entertaining and never fails to crack me up. Thinking back, I have many fond memories with them and I shall now say I love the four of them very much too.

pardon me, but love is a very strong word to me and I seldom use it.

I hope ten years down the road we are still together as a family, no financial problems, and then on Sunday we can pop down to the nearest chinese restaurant and have morning tea together, commenting (or complaining) abt the food like how we always do.

haha that was what I imagined my future life to be like when I was 10. really.

thats all for today. :)

2006-10-26T00:06:00.001+08:00

ah. just skip this entry will you?

haha.

Im feeling weird again. No la, not feeling down, but more of thoughtful.

just read qien's blog and that feeling of feeling weird just comes back. It suddenly feels as though Im reading about another person's life, someone whom I totally dunno.

I used to hate that feeling. But now I changed my mind coz I mean changes for the better are very good la. Just that I feel out of place knowing that my friends have once again changed without me noticing.

I dunno, perhaps I am just very scared that they change to become a stranger that I cannot identify with. haha how loserish.

Dramas are very nice to watch. Nice way of escapism; watching other pple's lives and thinking how wonderful they are. I wonder if I will choose to live my life another way if given the chance to do it over again. Some part of me tells me I will haha

Life has been very boring as usual. doing pw, lying on the bed and watching Goong (and falling asleep heh).

Hmm. dont mind keeping it that way actually.

and there, I told you to skip this entry.

2006-10-20T22:17:00.000+08:00

aiya so sad. I ripped Eunice's Goong's dvd (or is it huanghuan's? duno la haha) and then it only ripped half successfully. so after finishing 12 episodes I cannot continue :(

My choices are to wait for Liuwen to lend me (ah, when will that be, I wonder. haha) or watch on youtube (which isn't loading) or to get it off erm, SOMEWHERE (I am afraid of spies lol) but it didnt work either coz it was too slow.

sad sad sad.

2006-10-17T01:14:00.000+08:00

it is already 1.08 and WHY AM I STILL HERE.

and if i wake up at 5.50 tmr, it means only 4 hours 52 mins of sleep :(

If I go to sleep right now that is. >:(
cannot blame me if i sleep in class tmr.

2006-10-17T00:59:00.000+08:00

Yay finally finished Written Report. Feel so much like dying after reading it for the tenth time probably. and I think I don't mind my group now. haha stupid thing is pw is already ending.

and my exam results are not very good. I expected them to be better than mid years at least, since I studied like twice as much and I have always believed in

QIN NENG BU ZHUO.

but now WHERE GOT BU??????

sigh. I hate hoping and then not getting what you hoped for. You fall hard and then you feel so sian and then you just dont want to do anything anymore. OK, I mean I fall so hard and then I feel so sian and then I just dont want to do anything anymore.

Think I will just stick with my aim of having Es for everything and an xin guo ri zi (living without worries).

Which in fact means living in my own world and ignoring all my (many) failures in life.

HOW SAD.

gah I want to sleep and I cannot even send the wr file to dinghong coz it is 10.5MB and stupid hotmail and yahoo only can attach 10MB!!!!! I AM SO SLEEP DEPRIEVED! :(:(:(

2006-10-06T11:43:00.000+08:00

apparently the cable tv box died on us. according to my mum, it went black last night after giving a loud "pop" sound. and now we cannot watch tv until after Starhub comes and fixes it.

but that will be after someone calls starhub to tell them of our current situation.

and of course that particular someone is still slacking about because she hates calling starhub.

so meanwhile we will just have no tv to watch. heng ah, luckily the wireless box didn't overheat, or else I will just die from boredom without internet.

and anyway,

whee, non-stop slacking until January!

Life seems very good suddenly.

Being very random

2006-09-29T19:02:00.000+08:00

I love Fruits Basket!!!

Really funny and very touching. why dont have second season?!?!?!!!!
Boohoo so sad.

yeah haven't been studying! HOW! haha.

2006-09-26T22:39:00.000+08:00

Aiyo I am so lazy. Exams come and I end up slacking the whole afternoon online and then taking a nap after that.

Other pple see they may think I am having holiday ah.

真是不知好歹。

What I hate most is looking for my notes during exams time. So tiring la. My table has once again in chaos. Very very very very messy I see it and I feel sian.

Tmr is GP paper. :S

2006-09-24T22:11:00.000+08:00

While looking for my notes (I regret being so lazy now) I happen to chance upon this piece of paper between my stuff.

The file's gone (erm I used it to put my other things), flower's gone (oops. I think it met a dreadful fate) but I think this piece of paper is really meaningful and I shall keep it back onto my shelf (ok which is where it came from).

I think I especially like the words from Yifang, very meaningful, thanks.

There are still some things which makes me think it is worth it to join Dance I guess. haha.

On a sidenote,

GAH I HAVEN"T STUDIED CHEM.

I MUST STUDY.

2006-09-23T14:16:00.000+08:00

I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study I must study

Maybe if I tell myself more times, it can really happen haha

because right now it isn't working at all.

the whole day...did nothing except listen to Jay's songs and find some of them still acceptable. His old songs are much nicer though. now munching on chips.

aiya so dead so dead la.

what's produtive efficiency and allocative efficiency again???

2006-09-20T16:35:00.000+08:00

Once again I feel that I am such a horrible person. :(

Promos are coming, and my physics is crap. I can't do a single thing!

Not that Chem, GP (Horrors), Maths, Econs aren't any much better. But at least they dont make me feel as helpless as doing Physics. Now I have a fear for the subject.

Sigh.

Very good Wai Bin, on top of being horrible, you aren't smart enough to save yourself.

2006-09-10T17:34:00.000+08:00

holidays are over :(

or at least, very much over.

I will miss having my mornings at home. I think it feels great waking up when the sun has just risen and then drinking tea and slowly eating my breakfast.

Ok who am I kidding. I wake up much later after the sun has risen, but you get my point.

At least this holiday I have talked more with my mum, played games with my bro, and slacked in a way which I haven't done so in a very long time - 2 months haha. Haven't really talked much with my friends except for on msn though. Nvm, I still enjoyed myself!

You can say that I have no life. Yeah that is really true but I am quite happy with that. So... don't really feel like caring about it.

School starts tmr. Oh no I didn't do any homework or studying AT ALL.

Chuan dao qiao tou zi ran zhi.

Mr Kiw once said that the boat will naturally be straight when it comes into the "port" (it is not exactly a port, it is a qiao tou!) last time in China, because the "port" is so narrow and the boat can only go in one way. So yeah hope that applies to my homework too. haha

2006-09-02T20:21:00.000+08:00

It suddenly occurred to me that the reason why I love going home is because it is the place where I feel least extra in.

Today throughout the whole family tree thing I was feeling so extra. Except for the part when I walked around with Chunying. I feel so out of place everywhere I go. That feeling is rather horrible (or at least to me)

sometimes I think that I need my friends much more than they need me, simply because I have too little friends and I rely on them so much. I know when they say quantity is not important, what's more important is that you have quality friends who will be there for you when you need them. I love my good friends, but I dunno why I have this feeling that they aren't really there for me when I need them. They don't even have time for me since they have so many other friends to talk to, and actually they don't really need to bother about a grumpy, bad-tempered kid who can just suddenly become very quiet and AP.

The problem probably lies with me. :( I don't like socialising or befriending new pple. Or should I say I dunno how to.

feel so lonely at times and I dunno how to help myself. I am too anti-social.

Once again, a big SIGH.

trying to get her out to meet me is harder than climbing a mountain. I only want to sit there and chat for a whole afternoon and catch up with each others' lives lo. Now I feel so stupid for being so insistent. suan le. save my time and sms. even better.

how my Sunday went by

2006-08-27T22:58:00.000+08:00

did a whole lot of pw research. my gosh, that thing never ends.

looked for the importance of publicity. found some and was very happy.

ate some awful lunch and went back to staring at the computer screen.

did the interview transcript.

read a few EOMs and concluded that mine is rather lousy. Got a few phonecalls and went back to research for teachers supporting CIP stuff.

msn-ed a bit and went back to research. couldnt find much. made do with some interact club website which says that the teacher liked being in-charge of interact club's activities. presumed that he is interested in voluntary projects too.

msn-ed a bit and went back to research.

tried finding evidence that care and concern to old folks can improve their state of depression. Didn't work. But quite a lot of articles were churned up saying that taking care of animals can help their depression. SIGH.

msn-ed a bit. listened to a few songs.

gave up on research and the hope of ever finding something useful. SIGH.

bye. im going to sleep.

2006-08-21T21:10:00.000+08:00

I think I am a jinx to computers, or at least they are jinxes to me. Computers never seemed to last for one year without facing one problem or another. Dunno why my dearest HP computer suddenly installed/kena some weird spyware/virus/something-that is-VERY-IRRITATING that has slowed down my computer by say ten times. I now cannot surf the net as carefreely as usual.

Is this a test to test my patience? Oh well.

I think I am going to kick the cpu, bang my keyboard, slam my mouse on the table and step on my monitor screen REAL SOON. oh my it lags so much that even as I type the words dont appear smoothly.

I just closed a song window and the music continued playing for ten seconds. Now you get what I mean when i say it is ten times slower than usual?

I wanted to post a picture of my computer's dire state, but too bad the picture uploader JAMMED.

And it is ridiculous when my virus program pops up a window like every minute or so, telling me it has denied access to some suspected files again. That doesn't help in the slightest since it only JAMMED my computer FURTHURE MORE THAN IT IS JAMMED.

2006-08-20T05:36:00.000+08:00

gahhhh its already 5.30 and I am still here. :(

It is quite terrible to suddenly realise that everyone has really grown up with you yourself lagging behind, because right now I am feeling that.

Sometimes I feel so friend-less. Yeah I know I have some really good friends, but then ever since we aren't in the same school anymore, things sort of changed. It just cannot be helped. I am kind of out of their lives already, and I don't know what I can do about it. Meeting up has become so difficult, and then part of me is afraid to find out that they have changed.

I mean just look at Chunying. We are in the same school, and we don't even have much chances to talk anymore. Then suddenly she felt like the sec1 LCY again, that person who only cared about money and couldn't really be bothered with her friends. That LCY whom I didnt exactly liked very much. haha.

Asked Siying if she wants to meet up at Teachers' Day, she seems enthu about receiving my sms, but cannot give me a reply yet. Part of me wondered if she is ever going to reply me. For gdness' sake, I haven't seen her since...that day when I saw her on the bus. I haven't sat down for a long chat with her since last year!

Qien Qianwei....er. It is depressing to think of them. We don't even talk on msn anymore. My sister asked me why I clicked on Qien and didn't talk to her (I clicked on her to look at her dp) and it struck me that I haven't talked to her for a very long time indeed.

I hate this. It is already bad enough that I have little very good/best friends, and then I am losing touch with them

Then again, everyone's so busy with their own lives and coping with JC sucky days that I doubt they have time for me. Maybe I should be a little more enthu and organise an outing some time (yeah, like when?)

And after coming to VJ for 8.5 months, I am even more deeply convinced that the whole world is just made up of superficiality. oh I nearly forgot. And hypocrisy of course. It all comes down to looks, brands, and acting nice.

haha or perhaps I am saying all this because I am unhappy that I have none of those. I don't know. But it seems to me that those are all it matters, and that's sad.

Oh my, I just heard the newspaper man walk past my corridor.

Hmm. 5.53am now, and I didn't feel better after blogging. All I have is a headache and the tea's still keeping me awake.

Only conclusion I have reached: No point blogging about all these since it won't change anything anyway.

I guess the most reason for this post is to show pple that I actually think of my life you know, and most certainly do not only just spend my days lazing about and daydreaming. haha!

2006-08-20T04:54:00.000+08:00

oh my its nearly five. I will never ever drink tea at 8pm again.

Oh yeah and I did a whole lot of things in my weekends, like sleeping for 14 hours, finishing a drama (which was rather boring), and blah.

hmm. suddenly i dont feel like blogging about myself anymore. my life is boring.

so bye

2006-08-12T23:50:00.000+08:00

yay pw's cancelled!! yay yay! :D :D :D

haha my mum has been saying I am fat everyday. last time she says I am still ok, but now she comments on my laziness (when she isn't much better herself) and how I sit around and does nothing.

quite true actually. haha

anyway I am overjoyed that my sunday is going to be nice. haha!

stomach's growling again. bad bad sign.

2006-08-12T22:35:00.000+08:00

aiyo. have I mentioned this? I hate PW!

Writing parts of the WR only made me realise all the more that my vocab is limited, and my sentence structure really got big problem. At least cambridge encourages us to use simple English, which I of course welcome with big open arms.

Just now received an sms which got me a bit hopeful for a while.

DH: Do you tink derez a nid to meet up tml?

Me: er. actually i was tinking abt it just now and i wondered if there is anything to discuss. if u tink we need to sit down and talk then have a meeting tmr lo

but actually I am secretly chanting cancel cancel CANCEL!!!

aiyo really la. my life is bad enough, dont make me see my pw "MATES" (ho, like real) on a nice nice nice nice nice Sunday morning. It will only make my precious weekend unnice. If we really need to meet, it is 10 am!

10 am!! so early :(

he haven't come online yet, so i can't ask him abt tmr. sigh.

will try to convince him that there is really nothing to discuss for pw already, so he will just cancel it. haha.

2006-08-06T23:43:00.000+08:00

sometimes life becomes more tiring than ever when things get very complicated.

2006-07-28T19:24:00.000+08:00

I seemed to have lost the interest for blogging. haha. Maybe because I know pple will read, and some things are really meant to be kept secret. But somehow...I want pple to read my blog too.

It is a complicated matter. haha.

haha results slips are back, but I haven't signed mine! It is quite funny how everyone is trying to form words with their grades. I can't really form a lot of words with mine, because there are too many Es! (unless you like words like Seee or Ceee that is.)

The reading programme was fine. I kept dreading it and dreading it for the whole afternoon but it turned out to be quite ok.I think I am quite unprofessional as a mentor, because I can't help but laugh at some things that they said. I just hope that guy didn't take it to heart! I really can't help it, it sounds rather absurd to me at that moment to hear about old people engaging in exercises such as WUSHU. (I mean, imagine an old ah pei doing sword fighting like Yang Guo)

hmm...what else?

I found out that I am a rather negative person. Sometimes I will just keep dreading something (like the reading program), believing that something bad will happen, thinking that it won't turn out well before it even happened. Other times when I do things (like Physics :S) I tend to tell myself that I cannot do it at all, and then in the end I really can't do. I wonder how different I would be if I am not like this.

2006-07-17T19:30:00.000+08:00

I don't know, but I sort of feel impending doom creeping up on us. This whole "insult dhs assholes" thing is too blown up, I even thought I heard THEM talking about it during GP today. I mean, I can't exactly blame them for that, since we are also talking about them all the time.

I want to refrain from blogging about it, but that comment on evadne's blog really peeved me off.

seriously, check your facts before you rant on and on about dunmanians. Nobody got a stupid A or B on the maths exam, only Shijie, and oh well, she said the paper isn't hard and she was expecting to pass anyway. Stop saying that we are assholes in your class, because from what I see, the dunmanians in my class have been tolerating you and all these nonsense for like 7 months, and now you hurl this unfounded accusation at us. We are pretty harmless actually, afterall we aren't as bitchy, as AP as some other pple I happen to see. (say, that bitch who commented on Evadne's blog?)

and oh my, looks like your friends are nearly as bad as you. tsk 真是蛇鼠一窝。（oh, and too bad if your chinese sucks so much that you can't understand that)

I just want to ask one thing. What's up with this hypocrisy thing? You talk as if pple like you are so kind and REAL and are such ANGELLIC classmates. Really, I can just laugh out loud. You know what? Even peace-loving me (oh, yeah hahaha) won't mind if we just fight it out one day. It is already not fair that we get such _____ (fill in yourself. only negative words are accepted) classmates and then now we are supposed to take this lying down? hmph.

As I have said before, who really cared about this class anyway? It hasn't exactly wonderful since the 2nd week of January. (the first week was orientation) Yeah some pple have been nice (notice I said SOME), but some are really just simply idiotic. It won't be of any loss to me, in fact, it won't even make a difference. Come on la, I won't even call it a class in the first place. On the plus side, we can even stop acting as though we like you. yay. hurray. wonderful.

2006-07-15T14:52:00.000+08:00

this week was rather sian. :( now every friday I have to go to some reading programme, which I am totally dreading. Not because I hate to teach, but it is the thing about reading. I dislike speaking in front of others la. and face it, my oral just sucks and my pronounciation just sucks, and my conversation skills just suck and now I am supposed to teach them oral?????

hello? I don't even think I am able to communicate with them because I really have poor social skills.

:(

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

PE ytd was...haha interesting. I totally "love" my class and I am sure my dearest classmates LOVE IT SO MUCH TOO.

I am just wondering if the others gossip behind our backs, like the way we do to them though.

2006-07-10T16:33:00.000+08:00

There are times when I suddenly feel like blogging, times when I suddenly have a lot to say and can almost see all the lines of words forming in my brain. But for some reason, by the time I reach this page, all the words have already disappeared from my mind and then I will just forget what I want to blog on, making the writing process no different from writing a horrible gp essay.

haha. that was very random. oh well, but I AM a rather random person.

I had the most impratical stayover at Felicia's house on Friday. For one thing, Felicia and I were already half-asleep before the others arrived. We were SO tired. and then Tran Manjun and Priscilla (haha some funny incident happened) and apparently everybody was tired. They tormented me (ok, not really) by watching this channel 8 9am show which I of course have lots of comments about. Looks like mediacorp haven't really improved their shows quality even after one whole year of not watching. tsk tsk. By 11pm I was already half-asleep, but hey I wasn't the worse. Manjun and Pris were already lying and sleeping soundly on feli's sofa.

Have you ever heard of a stayover whereby 3/5 pple is already sleeping at 1.30am?? dots haha. Can't help it, some movie on axn just drove me off to sleep. The next sleepover had better not fall on a weekday with PE. I can't bring myself to stay up!!

today was one of the rarest days in which i came home at 3. felt very good :) slacked for hours after school and it is still not 5pm yet. how I wish school ends at 11.30 everyday.

Speaking of PE, there is still napfa retest tmr. I am going to fail it. How can I ever pass if I am 20 cm away from the passing mark for broad jump? and to think I have to go through that hell of re-running 2.4km again. Wat a nice way of torturing pple VJ has...As Tran says "I don't mind failing, just don't make me rerun." I hope there isn't a third retest, imagine running 2.4km three times --- and still failing napfa because of broad jump. that will be really shibai lol.

2006-07-01T23:46:00.000+08:00

lol I ate way too much today! went to eat lunch with library exco, and then I was late for...50 minutes. (sorry, I meant to wake up at nine! but I just went back to sleep haha) And then I ate pasta, ate ice-cream, ate cookies (some really chao-da), drank a lot of drinks, ate some more cookies, came home and ate ruffles, ate some korea noodle, and finally supper. and that is SO MUCH. Especially for someone my height, I ought not to be eating so much! I don't need that much energy lo, since all I do is sit about the whole day long.

Speaking of cookies, I hope no one had a stomachache from using my baking tray. Because it has been rotting in my cupboard for like 3 years, and you won't really know if it is really safe to use. But looks like the scrubing of my tray before using worked!

Just now around 10pm, I told my sister I don't want to eat supper already, because I am really very full, and she told me she also don't feel like eating anymore for the day. When my dad came back, I told him I really don't want to eat. Then he told me got horfun (it is not the usual brown kind, it is the white one which is so much yummier), so I changed my mind and went out to take a look haha.

my sister was already eating when I went out! So much for saying that she don't want to eat anymore for the day. haha I can't stop laughing when I saw her. And she can't stop laughing either.

Life after holidays is just...

WONDERFUL :)

I don't want to go back to hell! Don't want don't want don't want don't want don't want~~~~

2006-06-26T19:12:00.000+08:00

haha I think I just failed GP

and I can still go hahaha!

doubt I will still be laughing when results are back though haha.

hmm I flopped my compo really badly. Compre? haha Don't know, but shldn't be anything good too.

don't feel like studying chemistry already.

2006-06-25T18:26:00.000+08:00

lol I can't believe I am still slacking here! I am studying at a really leisurely pace :)

only went through one chemistry chapter since 3 pm hahaha.

I hope I can still go hahaha after my GP exam tmr :S :S :S :S :S :S

must retreat back to my sty to attempt some cramming in of chapters. <<---oh no, i keep having sentence structure problems like that, how to pass my gp???

2006-06-24T13:11:00.000+08:00

I better tell myself not to fall asleep while reading notes.

today is a sunny day.
I am going to study econs...

and this makes it 5 times harder not to fall asleep. I dunno why, to me econs just has sleep-inducing effects.

Hmm actually I do know why. It is obvious! It is VERY BORING. It is VERY tedious. It is very ________ (you can fill it up yourself). All the pages look the same to me. I hate econs!

I sent Felicia an sms ytd night at 12.30, saying that I had not been studying since 10pm, and that I think I am really digging my own grave and jumping in. Guess what she replied?

"Need a bigger shovel? I can throw you mine. I'm done digging my own grave you see."

hahaaha that is really funny. And we were discussing about meeting each other in heaven (we won't be going hell of course) after dying for exams, and watching animes there too. And I wondered if they have wireless there for me to watch youtube lol. Wanna meet us there Janice?

senseless discussions, but they really entertain you when you are reading sian stuff.

I am looking forward to Thursday 5pm.

oops. I better siam. bye!

2006-06-23T11:56:00.000+08:00

Friday already. how how HOWWW?

I had this studying session with qianwei whereby I

found that my GC isn't working. (!!!)

found that I dunno those Fsin dither, Fcos dither afterall

found that I didn't know that much about momentum afterall

found that I actually understood the concept about MI and recurrance (but of coz sometimes, just knowing the concept is not enough. I doubt I will know how to do)

found that a precious tennis book (to trina) is actually up for borrowing in the Pasir Ris Library (you know ah, this book only PR and Bukit Merah library got leh. very precious indeed)

found that a small milo at Mac cost 1.95, not 2 bucks.

yeah. I found out so little things that I actually have to include the milo one. haha.

my studies are in a big crisis now. and what am I still doing? Why am I still here?

shall go for lunch now then.

2006-06-21T21:21:00.000+08:00

ahaha oh my it is already wednesday! soon it will be thurs, then friday, then saturday, then sunday, then....AH. I don't even want to think about it.

I tried studying last night, but once I got online I couldn't really get off. And I wanted to study from 1-3 am, but I just ended up watching shows haha.

And I attempted studying today. I really tried. But in the middle of the day my bro came into the room to watch Hana Yori Dango on my computer, and I just can't help watching too. And I finished studying functions, only to realise that it might not be tested.

is it tested???? I really dunno. someone enlighten me pls.

now I just came back from dinner, feeling full. And you know when you are full, the only suitable activity anyone can do is to sleep.

sigh.

sometimes I wonder how come I can allow myself to lun2 luo4 to this pathetic state. I am just so unmotivated about everything. I am not concerned about my studies, I don't really care about my aims in life, I am not even doing anything constructive (and have not done any for as long as I can remember).

hmm. I am not very sure if I enjoy slacking. Looks like when you slack too much, you wish to do something more than slacking. At times when I am just stoning there, I will starting questioning the purpose of my entire life. Why am I ever here? What am I doing actually?

sad thing is, I never reach any answers. Come to think of it, my life is just pathetic. haha.

aiyo. suddenly... typing till this point, I realise I don't really know what I am talking about. When I started typing this entry, I didn't mean it to turn out to be written this way too. I am really lousy in expressing myself. Sigh. Watch me fail GP on monday.